Fifty-year-old science teacher Dale Portwit believes that the peak of his life has come and gone. A failed suicide, a food fetishist, so isolated that the Best Man at his wedding is a framed photograph of his former mailman, Mr. Portwit resolves to live entirely for the moment, to speak his mind at each turn no matter what the consequences. He sets his sights upon Mary Ann Tucker, Elkhart Elementary's plump, accommodating third-grade teacher. Their whirlwind courtship leads to wedding bands, a house in the suburbs, and an indulgent sex life--so why aren't they happy? Perhaps a little revenge is just what this marriage needs.

Decidedly odd, yet also oddly moving, Revenge of the Teacher's Pet is a skillful mix of comedy, poignancy, love, memory, obesity, top-ten lists, fish, and murder.